Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

They really need to stock ATMs better. I went to 4 of them today and they all said "insufficient funds."

I told a joke in my Zoom meeting today. It wasn't even remotely funny.

Day 44 without eating an apple... doctors are following me everywhere. the police are powerless to intervene.

Someone stole my bike, so I called the police, and they found the thief. He was arrested for peddling stolen goods.

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster in water. This means the bicycle is your only chance at beating a hippo in a triathlon.

I finally found a machine at the gym that I like: the vending machine.