Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
A lesson from a black coffee: You don't have to be sweet to be liked by everyone.
It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the bar. It's a 30 minute walk back. The difference is staggering!
I've written a book. It is called "How to survive falling down a staircase". It's a step by step guide.
A test tube baby has a womb with a view.
I hate it when people think they can just waltz into my office, when what I am listening to is clearly in 4/4.
My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue – completely pale, no arms.
Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?
I bought a balloon elephant but it wouldn't fit in my car, so I popped the trunk.
I bought myself some glasses. My observational comedy improved.
An apple a day will keep the doctor away if you throw it hard enough.