Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Not to brag or anything, but I don't need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

We never really grow up. We only learn how to act in public.

To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.

If a man said he'll fix it, he'll fix it. There is no need to nag him every 6 months about it.

Whoever determined a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.

I really wish there was some kind of signal drivers could use on their car to notify other drivers that they're turning.