Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

When I was fired from my job as a stage designer, I just left without making a scene.

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster in water. This means the bicycle is your only chance at beating a hippo in a triathlon.

I caught my wife cheating last night. Last time I play cards with her.

They've been treating me like one of the family, and I've put up with it for as long as I can.

Adulthood is mostly googling symptoms and reheating coffee.

I like eating Nerds because I'm secretly hungry for aquarium gravel.