Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

My Wi-Fi is faster than my motivation.

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster in water. This means the bicycle is your only chance at beating a hippo in a triathlon.

I put my phone in airplane mode and now it calls me Shirley.

It's faster to say "World Wide Web" than "WWW"

I accidentally downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar app on my phone. Now my battery keeps draining.