Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster in water. This means the bicycle is your only chance at beating a hippo in a triathlon.

God created the world. Everything else is made in China.

If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off of it!

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

Scientists estimate there are over 650 million obese people in the world, but those are just round figures.