Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass confusion.

Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive. It’s called wedding cake.

I tripped over a box of kleenex this morning. I was worried I sprained my ankle but there was only soft tissue damage.

For every action, there's a corresponding over-reaction.

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

Come over to the dark side...we've got candy.