Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

I kinda wish Dolly Parton sang 10 to 2 instead.

Instead of calling it a "to do" list I've started writing "side quests" at the top to make it seem more fun.

I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of just crazy.

I wanted to give my Uber driver advice instead of cash,
but that wouldn't be fare.

A fact of life: After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F.