Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Doctor: "I'd like to talk to you about your weight." Me: "Well, it was 25 minutes, but at least the chairs were comfortable."

A diamond is just a lump of coal that did well under pressure.

"Just be yourself". Ok, well I did and now everyone is scared and I need a lawyer.

I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.

I'm not doing well in my reverse origami class. I'll let you know how it unfolds.

Everything always ends well. If not – it's probably not the end.