Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

Doctor: "I'd like to talk to you about your weight." Me: "Well, it was 25 minutes, but at least the chairs were comfortable."

I am writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life. It's an oughtobiography.

The nice thing about meditation is that it makes doing nothing quite respectable.

Whatever you're doing, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.