Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

I am writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life. It's an oughtobiography.

Remember, if you can't say something nice, make it funny.

It may look like I'm doing nothing, but I'm actively waiting for my problems to go away.

I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous.

Currently enjoying a strict routine of doing absolutely nothing.