Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

I'm not doing well in my reverse origami class. I'll let you know how it unfolds.

Doctor: "I'd like to talk to you about your weight." Me: "Well, it was 25 minutes, but at least the chairs were comfortable."

I am writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life. It's an oughtobiography.

The nice thing about meditation is that it makes doing nothing quite respectable.

Whatever you're doing, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.