Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Whatever you do always give 100%. Unless you are donating blood.

I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday.

I am not always punny and sarcastic. I do sleep sometimes.

I always make full eye contact when placing the stick that separates our groceries.

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

If God wanted us to fly, he would have given us tickets.