Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I am not always punny and sarcastic. I do sleep sometimes.

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More silly statuses for social media you might enjoy

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.
Sometimes I go hours without drinking coffee. It's called sleeping.
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
I always make full eye contact when placing the stick that separates our groceries.
I speak fluent ironic with a solid sarcastic accent.
Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.
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