Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.

Doctor: "I'd like to talk to you about your weight." Me: "Well, it was 25 minutes, but at least the chairs were comfortable."

Sarcasm helps keep people from understanding you're saying what you really think of them.

I'm about as easy to understand as an IKEA manual.

Eyeglass makers who profit well can frame their success.

I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.