Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

I'm experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever the profession.

They really need to stock ATMs better. I went to 4 of them today and they all said "insufficient funds."

If a man said he'll fix it, he'll fix it. There is no need to nag him every 6 months about it.

Doctor: "I'd like to talk to you about your weight." Me: "Well, it was 25 minutes, but at least the chairs were comfortable."

If you can't laugh at yourself, I can help you out.