Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster in water. This means the bicycle is your only chance at beating a hippo in a triathlon.
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
Doctor: "I'd like to talk to you about your weight." Me: "Well, it was 25 minutes, but at least the chairs were comfortable."
I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant because I believe in myself.
If God wanted us to fly, he would have given us tickets.
I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do, it's because I've missed my exit.
What do you call a sleep walking Nun? A Roman Catholic
I am writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life. It's an oughtobiography.
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day. To be discovered.
The nice thing about meditation is that it makes doing nothing quite respectable.