Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day. To be discovered.
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If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks.
Cost me an arm and a leg.
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
People say "I hate to bother you." Maybe they should learn how to hate it a little bit more.
I am writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life. It's an oughtobiography.
Just between you and me, I think "everything" bagels are making a lot of promises they can't keep.
Egg salad is still chicken salad when you think about it.
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