Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Why are ghosts always bad liars? Because you can see right through them.

I am not always punny and sarcastic. I do sleep sometimes.

I always make full eye contact when placing the stick that separates our groceries.

I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant because I believe in myself.

Whatever you're doing, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.