Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
Think like a proton. Always positive.
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Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
I am not always punny and sarcastic. I do sleep sometimes.
I always make full eye contact when placing the stick that separates our groceries.
I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do, it's because I've missed my exit.
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day. To be discovered.
Just between you and me, I think "everything" bagels are making a lot of promises they can't keep.
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