Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I always second guess myself at a checkout line when the cashier asks "did you find everything?". Why are you hiding stuff?

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I can always spot printers, scanners and keyboards out of the corner of my eye. I guess I have good peripheral vision.

I am not always punny and sarcastic. I do sleep sometimes.

I always make full eye contact when placing the stick that separates our groceries.

I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant because I believe in myself.

I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do, it's because I've missed my exit.

Whatever you're doing, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.

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