Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Sundays are always a little sad, but.. the day before is a sadder day.

I always second guess myself at a checkout line when the cashier asks "did you find everything?". Why are you hiding stuff?

Always remember to the change the oil in your time machine once every 6 months or 3,000 years.

Everything always ends well. If not – it's probably not the end.

People say "I hate to bother you." Maybe they should learn how to hate it a little bit more.

I am not always punny and sarcastic. I do sleep sometimes.