Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

Nine year old has disappeared after using mothers moisturizer that makes you look 10 years younger.

I ran out of toilet paper, so I started using the newspaper. The Times are rough.

My masseuse rubs me the wrong way, but my chiropractor cracks me up.

I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.

I'd call you a tool, but even they serve a purpose.