Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

When hanging toilet paper, remember beards are cool, mullets are bad.

My goal in life is to have a Wikipedia page written about me. Maybe just a newspaper article. Ok, I'd accept a journal entry.

Today I bought a toilet brush. Long story short, I'm going back to paper.

Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet.

Nine year old has disappeared after using mothers moisturizer that makes you look 10 years younger.

I ate my exam papers...which means pretty soon I'll pass the test.