Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

It's almost October, which means all of the cobwebs and dust in my house will soon become Halloween decorations.

I am an example to others.
A bad example.

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster in water. This means the bicycle is your only chance at beating a hippo in a triathlon.

Sure, I can help you out. Which way did you come in?

I am pretty sure I only need one more bad decision and I will have a whole set.

I'm at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn't have to get up to pee.