Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I ate my exam papers...which means pretty soon I'll pass the test.

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster in water. This means the bicycle is your only chance at beating a hippo in a triathlon.

Sure, I can help you out. Which way did you come in?

I'm at the age where an "all-nighter" just means I didn't have to get up to pee.

I bought a bottle of shampoo which promised to increase volume. I poured some in my ear and if anything, it did the opposite.

I can do all things through spite, which strengthens me.