Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

They really need to stock ATMs better. I went to 4 of them today and they all said "insufficient funds."

How long does it take to get through a labyrinth? A minotaur two.

Dear automatic flushing toilet... I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn't done yet.

I told a joke in my Zoom meeting today. It wasn't even remotely funny.

Pepsi and Coke can't even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along?

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.