Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

The nice thing about meditation is that it makes doing nothing quite respectable.

To the person who stole my glasses - I will find you, I have contacts.

When I find it, I don't need it. When I need it, I can't find it.

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.

I always second guess myself at a checkout line when the cashier asks "did you find everything?". Why are you hiding stuff?

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.