Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Attempted to exercise this morning. Didn't work out.

Piñatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you'll get what you want.

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster in water. This means the bicycle is your only chance at beating a hippo in a triathlon.

The early bird can have the worm because worms are gross and mornings are stupid.

It's very hard to concentrate when I'm in a room full of cookies!

I once entered a weather pun competition. I beat the raining champion.