Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I am ready for retirement. Now I just need to figure out how to fund the next 50 years.

Will my computer last five years? Obsoletely!

Nine year old has disappeared after using mothers moisturizer that makes you look 10 years younger.

Some people think I am going crazy. The joke is on them. I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.

Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying me.

All theses years I thought it was the dryer making my shirts not fit. Now I'm pretty sure it's the refrigerator.