Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I have a five-year plan: figure out a plan in five years.

Nine year old has disappeared after using mothers moisturizer that makes you look 10 years younger.

I caught my wife cheating last night. Last time I play cards with her.

Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body.

Some people think I am going crazy. The joke is on them. I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.

Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying me.