Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
I was disappointed to learn that 'landlady' isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.
I asked the waitress for a quickie and she slapped me. The old woman next to me said, "It's pronounced 'quiche', dear."
I wonder if Vanna ever fell asleep at the wheel
Tab is just a capital space.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
A yawn is a silent scream for coffee
Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning, or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.
60% of adulthood is just unsubscribing from emails you no longer wish to receive.
After 20 minutes of being ignored, it's amazing how fast Home Depot employees show up when you try to start a chainsaw.
Best before dates are just spoiler alerts.