Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
A perfectionist walked into a bar...apparently, the bar wasn't set high enough.
Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law? He was given two consecutive sentences.
What's the difference
between a good joke
and a bad joke timing.
My goal weight it to be able to breathe while tying my shoes.
The older I get the more dangerous it is to sneeze
Random Fact of the Day: Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.
Fun fact, Scotland is approximately 50% land. The other half is Scot.
I ran out of toilet paper, so I started using the newspaper. The Times are rough.
I caught my wife cheating last night. Last time I play cards with her.