Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Doctor: "I'd like to talk to you about your weight." Me: "Well, it was 25 minutes, but at least the chairs were comfortable."

If I see one more person texting while driving, I am going to roll down my window and throw my beer at them.

Change is inevitable, except from a parking meter.

It's sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs.

Insurance companies are warning that if your tent is stolen while camping, you won't be covered

Science Tip: You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether it sees you later or in a while.