Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Before the Internet people thought the cause of stupidity was the lack of access to information? Yeah. It wasn't that.

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

I am writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life. It's an oughtobiography.

The nice thing about meditation is that it makes doing nothing quite respectable.

Whatever you're doing, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.

I sold the vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust.