Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I was going to tell a joke about time travel but nobody laughed.

If I see one more person texting while driving, I am going to roll down my window and throw my beer at them.

The real trouble with reality is that there is no background music.

I told a joke in my Zoom meeting today. It wasn't even remotely funny.

The best part of going to work is coming home at the end of the day.

Some people think I am going crazy. The joke is on them. I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.