Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Nine year old has disappeared after using mothers moisturizer that makes you look 10 years younger.

I live by my own rules... that my wife has reviewed, revised and then approved. BUT STILL MY OWN RULES!!!!

Did you hear about the giant who threw up? It's all over town.

Some people think I am going crazy. The joke is on them. I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.

Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying me.