Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I was going to tell a joke about time travel but nobody laughed.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day. To be discovered.

Just between you and me, I think "everything" bagels are making a lot of promises they can't keep.

Egg salad is still chicken salad when you think about it.

Some people think I am going crazy. The joke is on them. I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.