Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

When I was skinnier, I had a shirt that said I could talk to dead people. I can't wear it anymore because I'm no longer a medium.

Why is your nose in the middle of your face? Because it's the scenter.

How long does it take to get through a labyrinth? A minotaur two.

I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant because I believe in myself.

I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do, it's because I've missed my exit.

Pepsi and Coke can't even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along?