Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

The older I get, the earlier 'late' becomes. 9 PM might as well be 2 AM.

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

My sarcasm only gets me in trouble when my brain-to-mouth filter is malfunctioning.

Science Tip: You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether it sees you later or in a while.

The older I get the more dangerous it is to sneeze

I'm busy right now, can I ignore you later?