Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

The doctor says my cholesterol count is so high that I can't even say "cheese" when I get my picture taken.

Day 44 without eating an apple... doctors are following me everywhere. the police are powerless to intervene.

Doctor: "I'd like to talk to you about your weight." Me: "Well, it was 25 minutes, but at least the chairs were comfortable."

I just broke my record for most days on earth. High five!

Adulthood is mostly googling symptoms and reheating coffee.

It's almost October, which means all of the cobwebs and dust in my house will soon become Halloween decorations.