Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

I always arrive late to the office but I make up for it by leaving early.

I am not always punny and sarcastic. I do sleep sometimes.

I always make full eye contact when placing the stick that separates our groceries.

Science Tip: You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether it sees you later or in a while.

I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do, it's because I've missed my exit.