Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I always second guess myself at a checkout line when the cashier asks "did you find everything?". Why are you hiding stuff?

Grocery store self-checkout is just an unpaid internship.

Facebook relationship status options should include 'it's complicated and I don't want to talk about it.'

People say "I hate to bother you." Maybe they should learn how to hate it a little bit more.

If silly putty would have applied itself, it could have been serious putty.

I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant because I believe in myself.