Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I'm a valued customer at several grocery stores.

I always second guess myself at a checkout line when the cashier asks "did you find everything?". Why are you hiding stuff?

Self checkout should include an employee discount.

If silly putty would have applied itself, it could have been serious putty.

I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant because I believe in myself.

If you can't laugh at yourself, I can help you out.