Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I am writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life. It's an oughtobiography.

I don't have a bad memory. I just remember things differently than they happened.

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

I have a photographic memory that I never developed

The nice thing about meditation is that it makes doing nothing quite respectable.

Whatever you're doing, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.