Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I feel like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.

‪I've done terrible things for money. Like getting up early to go to work. ‬

It's sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs.

Someone has been stealing the wheels of police cars. Police are working tirelessly to catch them.

Be nice to nerds. You might end up working for one someday.

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with the heads cut off. I feel like I am being stalked.