Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

If silly putty would have applied itself, it could have been serious putty.

I could have been a monk, but I missed my chants.

Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could have done for him.

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

I saw an elderly man at the supermarket collecting shopping carts. He must have been pushing 70.

I told a joke in my Zoom meeting today. It wasn't even remotely funny.