Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

If silly putty would have applied itself, it could have been serious putty.

This meeting could have been a nap.

Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could have done for him.

Apparently I've been doing this "coffee" thing wrong. It wakes you up way faster if you accidentally knock it over into your lap.

I saw an elderly man at the supermarket collecting shopping carts. He must have been pushing 70.

Due to recent budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.