Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Remember, if you can't say something nice, make it funny.

The past, the present and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Piñatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you'll get what you want.

I'm now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.

Everything will kill you, so choose something fun.