Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Nine year old has disappeared after using mothers moisturizer that makes you look 10 years younger.

I am writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life. It's an oughtobiography.

Some people think I am going crazy. The joke is on them. I went there years ago, fell in love with the place and decided to stay.

Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying me.

If you think things can't get worse, it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.

I have a five-year plan: figure out a plan in five years.